You’ve probably heard of the Backwards Law:
The more you try to have something, the more you feel the lack of it.
The more you try to control things, the more chaotic they become.
The more you try to impress others, the less impressive you seem.
The more you try to hold onto someone, the further they pull away.
If that’s the case, you can’t really make anyone like you by trying, right?
Well, it depends on how you go about it.
What you’ll learn in this video doesn’t require you to be someone you’re not, doesn’t take a certain charisma to pull off, and doesn’t need you to be funny.
Heck! You’ll barely even need to say a word.
Before we dive deeper, you should know that you absolutely don’t need everyone to like you.
In fact, it’s much better to have a few people who hate your f**king guts.
But this video is not about making everyone like you, it’s about making ANYONE like you.
It’s up to you to choose who that person is.
Now, suppose you’re having a conversation with that person, and they are talking about how frustrated they are about something that’s happening in their life.
They are overwhelmed with all kinds of problems, and can’t solve any for the life of them.
You seem to listen for a bit, and the second you can, you share a similar experience you had which you think is relevant.
But deep inside, you know you were just waiting for your turn to speak from the moment the topic came up, and didn’t really think through how your experience could help their situation.
Let me give you a secret:
That’s a recipe for having that person run away from you as fast as they can, and never speak to you again.
So if you want them to hate you, just keep talking about yourself.
And I know the temptation is real.
When we share stuff, we feel better.
We feel important and heard; and if we’re lucky, we leave the conversation with some food for thought.
Those thoughts help us grow and come out of whatever challenge that we’re facing.
And here’s the thing:
We remember those conversations, and the people we had them with.
We remember how they helped us, and how they gave us a new perspective that we never had.
We like them, and we’re amazed how they elevate our experience while we’re around them.
I think you already know where I’m going with this.
Everything I just said is not only true for you, but it’s true for anyone.
So if you want anyone to like you, you need to sit on the other side of the table, and encourage the other person to speak about themselves and their problems.
The more you’re able to do this, the more they like you and being with you.
But how do you do that?
Well, it’s actually pretty simple.
Instead of sharing a similar experience you had, try to ask a question.
Not just any question, but a thoughtful one that moves the conversation forward.
This will have the other person open up more, and give you more data to ask an even better question.
You don’t have to be exceptionally smart to ask a good question either.
You can still do it if you’re a slow thinker like me, but more on that later.
In fact, do you want to know another secret?
It only takes one great question for that person to see you as some prophet that touches people’s lives.
Just ONE question.
Can you do that?
Of course you can!
You just need to listen first.
And I don’t mean to seem to listen, but actively listen.
It’s not enough to nod along and say uh-huh.
You need to fully engage with the other person, and give them your undivided attention.
You must show a genuine interest in what they’re saying, and empathize with them.
You can do this by;
Putting away your phone
Giving non-verbal cues like facial expressions, gestures and eye contact
Not being judgmental
Also, do NOT try to fill the moments of awkward silence.
Keep your eye contact in silence, and put the pressure on them instead.
Let them break it with their thoughts, and watch the extra information come in without you having to say anything.
This is an extremely effective trick that my ex-boss used to use on me all the time, but it can be a little uncomfortable and make you feel like a creep if you haven’t tried it before.
If that’s the case, try repeating and summarizing what they’ve been saying in such moments of silence.
Your goal here is to show them that you’re truly listening, and allow them to clarify things if necessary.
The more you actively listen like this, the more they will share, and the more data you’ll gather to come up with that ONE question.
Think of it like drawing by numbers.
As you keep listening, more numbers will appear for you to connect, and you’ll have more time to connect them.
The more numbers you connect, the better your drawing is going to be, aka your question.
When you have it, and it’s time, ask that question.
And feel the gears in their mind start to turn.
See how they look into your soul, blown away by your genius.
Realize how you just unlocked a new section of their brain, and touched a life beyond the obvious.
Enjoy it for a second, then shut the f**k up and listen for the next 30 minutes to do it again.
Mark my words, you will be the first to receive a text from that person whenever they’re stuck in a difficult situation.
Let me know how it goes in the comments, and I’ll see you next time.
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